|
Naked in midwinter magic
Lies an angel in the snow
- The frozen figure crossed by tracks of wolves
An encounter, symbolic, yet truthfull
With a hungry choir of woods
An agreement immemorial to be born
Dulcet elvenharps from a dryad forest
Accompany all charming tunes
of a sacrament by a campfire
A promise between the tameless
and the one with a tool
Tonight the journey from cave begins
I want to hunt with the tameless
I want to learn the wisdom of mountains afar
we will honor the angel in the snow
We will make the streams for our children flow
Wrapped in furs beneath the nothern lights
From my cave I watch the land untamed
And wonder is some becoming season
will make the angel melt in shame
I want to hunt with the tameless
I want to learn the wisdom of mountains afar
we will honor the angel in the snow
We will make the streams for our children flowFeelings:  calm Listening to: "Sacrament of Wilderness" by Nightwish |
|
Next Friday, 1/27, we are going "live" in Club Mona. See how many parties, in how many threads, you can hit that night. The fun starts at 7:00 pm EST.
We will be holding a "Mardi Gras King and Queen" Scavenger Hunt" starting 1/23/06 at 10:00 pm. There will be 15 clues given. The first two people to solve the hunt and find the hidden coin will be crowned King and Queen of Mardi Gras. They will assume their thrones on February 14th and reign over the Mardi Gras festivities from that time until February 28th.
February 7 - 14 will celebrate Valentine's Day. We will be holding a card exchange - please see the forum for further information and to sign up for a personalized mailbox. We will also have a special section for letters..love, hate and everything in between.
February 19 - 28 will be our "Spirit of New Orleans" Celebration, culminating in a Mardi Gras Parade and Live Chat. There will be new immortals to visit, as well as a host of other activities.
Be sure and check out both the avatar gallery and and the Seasonal Gallery for new seasonally themed user pics and signatures starting February 1.
Mark your calendars for March 25...it begins the traditional week of April Fools. Expect the unexpected and bizarre from 3/25 - 4/16. You never know who will show up on the forum!Feelings: calm Listening to: "Paradise City" by Guns n' Roses |
|
The dawn is very silent and beautiful. I can see the trees slightly moving with the breeze outside, and if I look to my right, I can see Avicus sitting on one of the couches by the fireplace, reading the book I bought for him tonight. Yes, after long years of solitude, we are finally together... I cannot help but smile when I look at him, and when he notices I am doing so, he looks up, just as he used to do when we lived in Constantinople. A beautiful smile comes to his lips as I blush and then he keeps reading. Ah, this is what I was yearning for! I wanted Avicus with me, I wanted to feel his presence, I wanted to feel his touch, his breathing on my neck, his beautiful, dark, deep eyes fixed on mine, the warmness of his embrace...
Many things have happened in these days... during Christmas, I got involved with Santiago. Ah, Santiago! He showed me so many things... he made me feel the woman I am, even if I look just like a teenager. Not more than nineteen years old? Perhaps. Marius says I look as if I am fourteen or so... and it is true. But... I am a woman. Mael used to say I was just a child. But that does not matter to me... Avicus knows what I am. ... ... Santiago found his way to my heart, here, deep inside. Life and its whims? Just as I already said? Yes, perhaps. You could say it was. But I knew it was not going to be forever... I knew we would have to separate at any moment... Celeste's arrival confirmed it to me. I did not need to talk to her - and I do not want to do it either - to know this was going to happen.
But... - and Santiago knew this - Avicus was, is and will always be My Eternal Love. If another Immortal apart of Marius knows how much I love Avicus, that is Santiago.
And now that Avicus and I are together again, I am not going to let him go. That never. I want to be with him, because I love him. And I love him as no one has an idea... no one knows how much I missed him, no one knows how many tears I did shed calling for his name, lost in the World, killing just because I wanted, not because I needed to do it. And yes... Mea Culpa. It was my fault. But... as I told Avicus... "what is in the past, is in the past. We have to live the present and look forward for the Future." So, my Love... let us live. Let us travel all around the World. Let us mingle among the mortals, let us dance without music through the dark streets... let us walk through the Boulevards filled with mortals, let us listen to our giggling when we are alone in our bedroom...
Because we are going to live Forever... and I want to live with you.Feelings:  in Love... Listening to: "Come Cover Me" by Nightwish |
|
December 15th. Midnight.
The time I have been spending alone has made me meditate about life and its constant insistence on surprising us and letting us know things do not have to be the way we expect them to be. It has been a long time since I talked to Avicus for the last time, and Mael has not come from his journey yet. Marius is back now, and I have talked to him after Centuries yearning to feel his arms around me, but the truth is, that things have changed.
Yes, life and its whims. People may think we Immortals know the answers to everything and that we cannot get surprised, but the fact is that life has tricked me. It made me realize we do not have a single path to choose, a single road to follow. We can choose. Perhaps I had to spend all this time all alone to find the one who is meant to be with me. Fate? I do not know. But this Immortal saved my soul from completely drowning into the bottomless ocean of solitude. This Immortal took my hand and showed me there is still hope. This Immortal has shown me the face of passion.
Maybe I did not realize he was so near from me because I was being held captive by my own sorrow in a dark cell in the bottom of a deep cave, chained to the dreadful thought of being alone forever, blaming myself and regretting for all I have done. Self-destruction? Maybe. But those thoughts fell behind since I found this passionate and untamable Immortal. My complement? Definitely.Feelings: in love Listening to: "Wish I Had An Angel" by Nightwish |
|
The night is as quiet as when I was with Avicus in Greece. The wind is slightly blowing the leaves on the trees and the moonlight is covering everything. Tonight, I had an exquisite feast… young men were there for me to catch them, attract them and give them my Kiss. But sorrow threatens me with attacking again. Since I am alone while Mael attends some personal businesses, I have learned to love… but to love in a different way. The love I hold for Marius, My Roman Master, the one who taught me everything I know now, the love I hold for Avicus, My Eternal Dark Angel, My Master of Desire, and the love I hold for Mael, My Reluctant Dark Love have became greater lately. These days of solitude made me realize a fact…
To live Forever is a curse without having someone by one’s side.
Yes. It is incredible how days pass and pass as I wake up every night and feel the silence reigning in my house. I stand up and walk towards the mirror, and the only company I have is the sound of my footsteps – that are so light that just an Immortal could hear them – and then stare at that person that is looking at me too. Yes, it is I, Zenobia. Zenobia, the slave girl. Zenobia, the Immortal. I take the scissors and cut my hair, letting it fall to the floor, yearning to see Marius taking it on his hands. Yearning to see Avicus smiling at me and asking me if I will be a boy tonight… and yearning to see Mael looking at me as if I was insane.
Then I finish my disguise dressing as a man, just as Marius taught me to do when we were in Constantinople and I had not more than 10 years being a Blood Drinker. I go out and I am not Zenobia. I have no name… I am a shadow, a presence, a predator.
Perhaps I do this to try to forget who I am… and to try to hide this love I feel for my three Wonderful Immortals, that is consuming my soul… but when I come back home, I will fall on my knees again, crying Blood Tears that will remind me that I need them, because they are my life.Feelings:  lonely Listening to: "Killing Loneliness" by H.I.M. |
| » Dark Chest of Wonders |
|---|
Dark Chest Of Wonders
Once I had a dream
And this is it
Once there was a child`s dream
One night the clock struck twelve
The window open wide
Once there was a child`s heart
The age I learned to fly
And took a step outside
Once I knew all the tales
It`s time to turn back time
Follow the pale moonlight
Once I wished for this night
Faith brought me here
It`s time to cut the rope and fly
Fly to a dream
Far across the sea
All the burdens gone
Open the chest once more
Dark chest of wonders
Seen through the eyes
Of the one with pure heart
Once so long ago
The one in the Big Blue is what the world stole from me
This night will bring him back to me
Fly to a dream...
Sep. 21st, 2005 @ 01:40 am
|
| » Mael... Mael... |
|---|
*This is an entry I should have posted a few days ago, but I could not do it, I apologize...*
Mael is totally and absolutely unpredictable. He is just as a ghost that appears and disappears at his own will. I managed to drag him out his house to attend the Gala with me – after a few minutes of discussion, of course – and we got to the Hall of Versailles. As the mortals that were gladly invited to the party began getting to the place, Mael’s discomfort started growing up, as same as my nervousness. I did not want him to make a scene in front of everybody, so I tried to do not bother him too much. After exchanging a few words with some of the mortals, I do not know how or when, but Mael disappeared all of a sudden and left me alone.
I was not surprised, that was something I could perfectly expect of him, but I was sad. I cannot deny how empty I feel every time he goes away. He is so irritating, but so... irresistible! I wonder why he left me alone… perhaps he still hates me? No… that cannot be… because he allowed me to go in his house, talk to him and attend the party with me. Perhaps he needs time to think, as same as I do. There are so many things we need to talk about… so many questions that need an answer… and so many feelings trapped inside us…
I know I have to explain why we left him so suddenly while we were in Constantinople. But he also has to tell me why did he hate me so much, if all I wanted to do was get closer to him… we need to talk… it is urgent. I know we have an Eternity to talk, but I cannot wait a second more. I have been wondering for Centuries, and it is time to say what we have to say. I have to go for him...
Sep. 15th, 2005 @ 01:17 am
|
| » Reveries... |
|---|
I lay on the floor in the dark living room staring at the curtains being blown by the breeze. I am wearing a black shirt and socks. My dark long hair strokes my shoulders and I feel my chest slowly moving due to my breathing as I stare at the sky through the window. This one is a cloudy night… My cold hands are by my body’s sides and raindrops are playing a particularly melancholic tune. The place is illuminated just by a desk lamp and the cold floor seems warmer than my own skin.
Thoughts cause a chaos in my mind, bringing painful memories back that make my heart hurt. Memories of farewells that will bring solitude and grudges in the future. All those words said… my body becomes numb, my senses are fogged by confusing voices playing once and once again that fatal “Farewell” that made my Immortal existence give a 180º turn… I feel as if I am suspended in the middle of Wilderness by hundreds of invisible, fragile strings carried by crows that could be cut by the scissors of rejection to make me fall endlessly by this dark deep abyss called sorrow.
These strings start to be cut by an invisible force that I am not able to see with my Immortal eyes, making me fall into the most terrible desperation seeing how I am being condemned to fall into Solitude’s arms forever and ever, and I cannot do anything to stop my doom. The crows fly wildly around me ripping my black shirt with their beaks and hurting my cold skin, making me bleed… when the last string holding my wrist is cut, I scream… I am going to fall…
But then I feel a firm hand that holds me by my wrist stopping my falling. I look up…
It is Mael…
I open my eyes. It was just a dream… and there he is, standing by the corridor’s door, looking at me.
Aug. 20th, 2005 @ 01:28 pm
|
| » Aliases? |
|---|
Zenobia De Romanus's Aliases
|
Your movie star name: Blood I Do Not Remember
|
Your fashion designer name is Zenobia Rome
|
Your socialite name is Zenny Paris
|
Your fly girl / guy name is Z Rom
|
Your detective name is Bird None
|
Your barfly name is Blood Vodka
|
Your soap opera name is De No Clue
|
Your rock star name is M&m's Car
|
Your star wars name is Zenmae Rommae
|
Your punk rock band name is The Hyper Computer
|
I used "de Romanus" because I did not have a last name. laughs sorry, Marius. laughs I hope that does not bother you.
Aug. 10th, 2005 @ 12:51 pm
|
| » Three Wonderful Immortals and a Single Heart |
|---|
Confusion comes to my Immortal Life again. I could come a lot closer to Mael than I thought I could do in my whole endless life, and I am currently with him. But… Avicus and Marius have returned too. I do not what to do anymore. I thought I would never see Marius again… after that day he left me with Avicus and Mael… after he kissed me and gave His Blood to me once again… I knew I would never be loved for him as I would yearn for, but… Ah, Mother Gaia… Avicus… Avicus always loved me and protected me as a Divine Angel, covering me with his Wings, making me feel safe from any harm… and Mael.
Mael… damn… he never allowed me to show my feelings to him… and I do not know why. I left with Avicus… I went with him, still wanting to love Mael, but he would never come to me as I would like… that was a hopeless love that was killing me inside, making me suffer and cry every single dawn… so I could not be with someone incapable of loving me, and I could not be alone either, so I went with Avicus. I love him so much…
But after Centuries being with Avicus I decided I had to see Mael again. I know he would be alone for sure, isolating himself… so I left. I was wandering alone through the World, looking for Mael. I found him, and I wanted the three of us to be together as we used to be when we were in Constantinople, so I asked him to help me find Avicus, I knew he would not be in the same place I left him. When I got here, I found what I was expecting, the same cold-hearted brute that cannot afford my company. But he accepted to help me find Avicus “for me to leave him alone”. But… I have realized that he has changed…
But Marius appeared once again… and when I felt his embrace my mind became Pandemonium. A total chaos… when I felt his lips touching mine, his wet skin against mine… all my lust took me by surprise… my body reacted to his touch… I could not stop gazing in his beautiful blue eyes… Marius the Roman… just as I dreamt of when we were in Eudoxia’s house… I do not know what to do anymore… three wonderful men and a single heart… this will be so hard for me… so hard…
Aug. 6th, 2005 @ 02:31 pm
|
| » Wondering how to hide my feelings |
|---|
I cannot believe what is happening right now. I am in Mael’s place, and we are together. Well, perhaps not as “together” as I would yearn for… but at least he allowed me to stay in here. It is raining buckets now and rain is soaking everything through the window Mael broke when we quarreled two hours ago. I asked him to help me locate Avicus, as I already said, and he told me that he would help me, and that at least we could have separate ways. I do not know why, but I felt angry, maybe hurt. Hurt because I want him to go with me, to walk under the moonlight as we used to do before we took different ways. When I decided to go away again and went out the house, Mael broke a window and came down to stop me. I do not know why he did it… but I am glad he did. He got a cut on his hand… and I gave him my black silk handkerchief. Yes, that one, the same one Marius gave me. It is one of my most loved possessions, but I want him to keep it.
Now I know what happened to that black short dress of mine that disappeared all of a sudden centuries ago… Mael had it. He took it. giggles... I never could imagine that he would do that. I thought that I just lost it somewhere when we were with Avicus… it is impregnated with his perfume, and though I am alone here in the living room now I feel as if I am with him, as if he was here by my side. I have not fed and I am feeling weak. I better stop using Mael’s computer or he will choke me instead of help me. … sighs ... I will see what happens…
Jul. 27th, 2005 @ 11:43 pm
|
| » Mael, it is Fate, my dear... |
|---|
Ah, Mael... see? It is Fate... ~*laughs*~
Jul. 24th, 2005 @ 02:15 am
|
| » *sighs* |
|---|
Finally, I have talked again with Mael. As I expected, I was not well welcomed by him. All I got was a scornful look and a pointing finger. Yes, all is my fault! Of course, I chose to be an Immortal! I wished to become a Blood Drinker! I chose to be with them! Bah. All I wanted was to be a free, normal girl! But NO!!!!! I HAD to be stolen by Eudoxia; I HAD to be turned into an Immortal! Damn! … … I did not ask Marius to kill Eudoxia! Holy…
Eudoxia kept me as a slave, but at least I was not morally mistreated by her! I did not run to Marius and told him “please, go kill Eudoxia and take me with you!” I feel so impotent!!!!! I was not strong enough to go on my own, that is why Marius left me with Avicus and Mael! Why did not Marius kill me as he did to Asphar and Rashid??? … … I talked to Mael, and he dares to say I toyed with him!!!!! Ha! He knows I did my best to go closer to him, but he NEVER allowed me to!!!!!
I told him I want things to change between us. We are old enough to know we are NOT kids anymore. Why the Hell he cannot change his mind??? He is so cold hearted that I think he has an ice cube in his chest instead of heart! –goes mad- the one insane in here is he! For God’s Sake, I was a young girl, without experience, all I wanted was someone to protect me, to PROTECT me! How the Hell I was going to know what to do? All I knew was to serve as the slave I was!
He said my betrayal did hurt him deeply. And how does he think I felt when he rejected me all that time when we were together??? All that hate inside of him and that grudge he holds in his soul is killing him! He is always growling and scowling at everybody. Does he think it helps him? YES, I know you want to be alone, you cold-hearted lone wolf! I know you are reading this! Gah! Sometimes I want to kill you, you know??? But… I cannot do it!!!!!
And NO! I do not know where Avicus is! Or Marius! Do you think I would be knocking at your door to ask for your help if I knew where they are? Damn.
And… NO! I do not have another interest in him! I just… I just want his help… and nothing more! –looks to another place-.
Jul. 19th, 2005 @ 01:30 am
|
| » Looking for a bit of love |
|---|
I have not seen my own writing in a long time. Centuries, perhaps? I do not know… all I know is that it has been an Eternity to me, and here I am now, trying to put my feelings into words. I have been wandering alone for so long that I do not know how to talk to people correctly, I do not know how to express my thoughts to those mortals who are interested in me, and I do not know what to say or what to do. Sometimes I think the one that is scared in here it is me, and nobody else. I have talked to my Immortal friends again, after Centuries of loneliness and errant days, passing as I remain young and alone. I remember my life in the Palace when I was a slave girl. I was just Zenobia, one of the young slave girls. But even in that slavery, I was kind of free. Yes… I remember how I used to laugh with the other girls, commenting about our dreams, which were just that, dreams of liberty and love. I knew I was not going to get out of there, I had no choices. Until the day I was stolen by Eudoxia. I must confess that I thought I was going to be free, but no. I just was free of a slavery to go in another one. I became a Slave of the Blood. Turned into an Immortal by Asphar, I became Eudoxia’s slave. I thought she would love me someday just as I learned to love her, but I was just a trophy for her, and nothing more. She used me for my imagination and talents, but she never realized how I felt, though she kept me safe from another Blood Drinkers who dared to challenge her. But one day, Death reached Eudoxia. She was killed by Marius, the Roman. He killed Eudoxia and all her slaves, but not me. He allowed me to live…
Marius took me with him, and I saw in him someone who could protect me in my ignorance about Blood, to protect me from myself and to listen to what I had to say. But no… he told me he had to be alone, and that hurt me deeply, so deeply that I have not healed yet. My heart is still wounded, and I do not know if it will someday. I just hope it does, or I will die of sorrow. Marius taught me how to survive, what I should do and what I should not do. He also gave me his Blood, what made me stronger. He left me with Avicus and Mael, his companions. I knew Avicus would protect me, but Mael, his fledging, did not like me. He hated me at the very moment, and I do not know why. I wanted to love him, but he was so hard to me that I could not have a decent conversation with him. Never. I was as alone as I was when I was in the Palace, or more.
Now that I am back, I do not know where Avicus is, or Marius. I have seen Mael, but I know he still hates me, and it is not my desire to bother him. I do not want to be hurt again by his poisonous words that pierced my soul Centuries ago… but… perhaps… I do not know… maybe… I should try sharing a few words with him… because… I do not know what I did to gain his hatred… I wish I could see Marius now… but the one I have now is Mael, and I do not know how to approach him without receiving an insult, or worse, his indifference.
Jul. 18th, 2005 @ 01:17 am
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
xxzenobiaxx's journal